God's Forgivness?
by R
In my foolish youth, I did terrible things. I used a lot of people for my own benefit, I was a liar, I was a cheat, I was a thief, and unfortunately I became pregnant twice, and didn't want either one. For the first one, I literally drank a teaspoon of turpentine trying to kill the baby inside of me. It knocked me out in a coma literally for two days. I am lucky to be alive. The second time, I had an abortion.
I am ashamed of myself and have been for years. I don't need anyone to tell me how terrible it was of me to do this. But back then, it was like I wasn't even conscience, or even had a conscience. Now, these years later, I finally walked into a church. The pastor came to me, saying that our spirits were witnessing to each other and that God had great plans for me. After a month, he put me in charge of the youth group,and all the kids love me, I've reached kids that per-say, couldn't be reached, they cling to me so much...also I play piano, sing, and sometimes teach adult bible school. I don't feel like I deserve all of this,but he keeps pushing me... and I don't feel that God could forgive me for being such a terrible person. This past couple weeks he told me, "Honey I'm not going to be around forever, and these people need someone to lead them. And out of this whole church, you're the only one that has humbled themselves enough to do it."
How can he say these things to someone like me??!?! I pray everyday for forgiveness, and my heart aches so much, but I don't feel that I could ever be good enough to deserve God's forgiveness, much less deserve to stand in His Glory preaching His name!! I am a new Christian, and this has been so overwhelming for me, can someone please help put this into perspective?
Can God really forgive me? I've asked and asked, but never have felt forgiven. So, how can someone who's such a terrible person and feeling not forgiven deserve to be a minister of any sort?
What does this pastor see in me, or is Satan trying to take hold of the church using me?
Comments for
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None of us deserve God's forgivness
Hi R, I think somewhere along the way we as Christians have forgotten the true meaning of grace - unmerited favor. Unmerited means that you don't deserve it. In fact, grace means that you receive the opposite of what you really deserve. Why do you receive God's forgiveness? Because Jesus died to make it available to you. When you limit how much God can forgive, you are really limiting the price that Jesus paid. Many times it is those of us who have come from the worst backgrounds that are able to reach the most people for Christ. Why? Because we know what it really means to be lost in darkness. We know the struggles that those who are still lost are facing and we are an example to them of what God's power can do. I call it being a monument to His grace. A statue of light that represents exactly what God's power and grace can build in our lives if we allow Him to. No, you do not deserve God's forgiveness - But neither do I. Neither does your pastor or any of the people in your church. But, God does not just give His grace to for the "little sins" - What kind of miracle would that be? Now, with that said, if you are feeling pressured or pushed and you don't feel God's Spirit leading you to take such an active role in your current church just yet, then don't follow man - Follow God's Spirit. But, if you believe that serving in this church is God's will for your life, don't feel as if you are not worthy of that calling. Honestly, I don't feel worthy of running this website- But it doesn't really matter how I feel or what I think. All that matters is that I trust God's Word more than I trust my thoughts or feelings. His Word says that I am forgiven and that He has a plan for me. So, I will believe Him instead of my inner thoughts and fears. I would highly recommend that you go through this free Bible study that I wrote on Receiving God's Forgiveness. It explains in a lot more detail why you are forgiven even if you don't feel like you are. You are not saved and forgiven by your feelings but by the Spirit of God! God Bless, Ameerah |
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