I'm learning to persevere
Date of Entry: August 21, 2008
About me...I'm 27 years old, I live in Southeastern PA. I have a large family, a few close friends, and my relationship with God is on a roll!
Scriptures: Matthew 7: 7-11
Matthew 21: 18-21
1 John 5: 14-15
1 Peter 1:6-7
I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years. We had quite an ungodly relationship, but I've only been wanting to end the relationship for the last 2 years or so, due to lack of trust. Every time I tried, I ended up falling right back into it; believing that things would be different this time.
Finally, a few days ago, with the both of us being fed up with the ups and downs, we really ended things this time. I've been hesitant for a long time to take this step because I just knew that it would be followed by days, if not months, of crying, heartache, missing work over it, etc. But you know what, it is not easy because I miss him, but it's not that hard either!
Like I said, it's only been a few days, but I feel so overjoyed about this. I've been praying and talking to God more than I ever have. I've been asking him to order every step I take, everything that I do, and to not let me fall by the wayside. I don't want to fall back into that unhealthy relationship, just to please my flesh. I've been in my bible a lot more, and I'm actually finding joy in my tribulations.
The Bible tells us to find joy in everything because it teaches us perseverance. That is exactly what's happening to me. I never thought in a million years that I would be able to find something good out of having a broken heart. Yes, my heart is aching now, but I am so glad that this situation is not getting the best of me, because I really thought that that was my destiny, to succumb to heartache and rejection. I am a true example of how it is important and even possible to find joy in ALL THINGS, the good and the bad. God gives us tribulations to strengthen us, so we should be thankful for the opportunities to go through trials. It shows that he cares about us enough to give us the tools to overcome any obstacle. I'm so thankful!
Questions it brought to my mind...
Why couldn't I have done this sooner? I keep thinking, "imagine where I would be if I had taken this step 2 years ago". What else can I do to further and more completely trust Him? I'm getting much better in my faith, but I do still doubt sometimes. I want to be able to worry about absolutely nothing, not even the next second of my life, knowing that as long as I trust Him, I have nothing to fear.
My closing prayer...
I pray for forgiveness for my sins. I've done plenty of things to manipulate my relationship with my boyfriend, and I've constantly prayed the wrong way. I used to pray for my will, not His. I rarely asked for forgiveness, and I lacked the knowledge to pray for others. I pray for everyone in this world that needs intercession, those close to me, and those that I do not even know. I pray that God's will be done, and that He gives us all open eyes and hearts, so that we will see and believe that He knows what's best for us. Amen.
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