Lust and Shame
(Knoxville, Tn USA)
I had grown up in church but was only a christian outwardly. Inwardly I was consumed with lust and felt unloved, therefore I showed no sincere love. Three divorces as a child lead me to a mixed life, one way with one parent the opposite with the other. I found pornography rampant in one of my houses at age 11 and began to act out in fantasy and desire. It grew and affected my relationships and lead me to being confused about my own sexual orientation. An unloving, fantasy lust, double sided life was my existance before I experienced God's love. Though I was raised in church I never read the Bible for myself other than slight passages here and there; however, I wanted an answer how to do marriage right not go thru divorce and pain myself. I wanted to propose. I began reading the Bible and learned that God created all things and sex was one of them. My views of it were mixed and incorrect, but not what God designed it for. Reading lead me to see that even in my sexual filth God was there and he saw, and he loved me enough to pay for my wrongs. I saw what my sins did to even just his hands and the scripture, "do everything as unto Christ" broke my masturbation/pornography addiction. I didn't want to hurt him anymore, but now I had the power to say no and turn from my lust. Jesus gave me his heart and let me see His sacrifice for me. I am empowered to turn away from my fleshy desires daily, and I love to hear and read his word. It never gets old. I have been set free from lust and desire and I praise the Lord because he paid my debt. My life had been restored and my marriage was set upon a rock that is forgivness and Gods love and peace not desire and fantasy or unrealistic expectations of myself or my wife. I have peace and comfort in his love now, and feel NO SHAME. AMEN.