One way God can come into your life
I always had an above average IQ, could pretty much learn to do anything because of my strong will and insight about things. I could find the hidden spirit in an art painting. At 10 years old I was a computer wizard, had a strong interest in science, and appreciated nature. I also loved music which seemed to run in my family. My dad was once a musician and I later became one. And I was a good one. So good, that it led to road travels and endless admiration thrown at me by many. One would think that so much admiration would inflate the ego. And they would be right. But mine never did. I considered modesty more important than an ego driven life. But I had no idea why I believed it. I stayed clear of drugs. Although I drank alcohol, sometimes too much. Sleeping with women seemed wrong because I was taught marriage was important. Even though my parents fought day and night. I tried to stay a virgin as long as possible. It seemed like the right thing to do.
I had met a girl on the road who treated me like dirt. I tolerated it for awhile. I was down on relationships because I never witnessed any that seemed good, except for one. When I was 14 years old, I hated school and academics. Even though I was likely the top math student. I learned more by skipping school. Truancy got me sent away for 30 days by a court. I ended up living with a Christian family during that time. And it sparked changes. I finally witnessed love, affection, and care. My parents never treated me the way this family did. And I witnessed how they lived and treated one another. It is something that I kept with me for a very long time. But of course, it never directly brought me to God.
Years later, being down on life, feeling lost, my attention was captured by a certain girl. Have you heard of the old saying "It was across a crowded room..."? This definitely applies. She stood out. It wasn't because she was sexy or something to fullfill a desire. She had an innocence about her that didn't seem apparent in all the others. This felt important. My dad hated marriage and always told me to watch out for women. They will trap you. I never knew whether to believe that or not. Anyway, I eventually ended meeting this girl. She was 17. I was 22. Her mother chaperoned her to the club to look out for her. We hit it off and she seemed like the kind of girl I was searching for my whole life. And I have met a lot of girls. Of course, we dated some, talked a lot. She was an old fashioned farming girl. I was more like a city boy. But we both were raised in families that were breaking apart. We knew what it was like to be poor. But she was raised in a church and gained a lot of important values. I was not.
We ended up getting married 8 months later. We moved in together and tried to live the way we thought married persons did. But over the years, something always seemed to be missing. What was the point? To love each other? We did. But it wasn't good enough. We moved around a lot because of changing jobs, or because of her college endeavors. We have been through a lot and learned a bunch. But its been rough. Mostly because of my "lost status". I never could make up my mind what to do for a career or anything. I helped fuel many ideas. But fell flat on my face every time. It got to where she was doing all the work, and I was sitting on my behind more often than not. Over time, she lost faith and trust in me, as well as in life. In the beginning, she was so positive and would do anything I asked her to. But time changed it all.
After 16 years, we are still together. And we have three kids (11, 4, 2). We have a home in the country. I have arrived to the end of my 6 years in college, which was a real pain. And still played in the band on weekends up until very recently. My wife and I have come very close to ending our marriage several times over the years all because of confusion. I remain faithful to her because I still love her the same as the day I met her. But I have gotten self absorbed over the years due to feeling completely lost in life.
Very recently, God hit me like lightning while I was playing at a club one night. He came in the form of courage. I had gotten to where I hated the lifestyle, watching people get drunk and party. Watching women dressed to sex up some guy or gal at the end of the night. Playing music that spoke of nothing but misery and immorality. It was like celebrating a lifestyle of depression. The other guys in the band were all adulterers and some did drugs. They all seemed more lost than I and are content with the lifestyle. I was ready to find a way out. I began to feel drawn towards a new way of living.
God more directly found me through my daughter(11). Considering how much I hated public school as a child, I had a lot of trouble dealing with the corruption in my daughter. Unlike me, she has always
been a magnet for "worldly" things. Obsessing over pop idols and being lavished all of the time. I needed to somehow change that. I spoke against God many times in the past because she was going to church. At some point, I carried the idea that churches are more concerned with bringing in the crowd and getting money, rather than to enforce a Godly life. They helped fuel my daughter's ways, so I thought. But I did notice how modern day has turned to atheism. And I have witnessed what it is doing to the children. Not realizing it at the time, when I was a kid, the fabric of society still came off of old traditions which were driven by Christianity. Morals were still in place. But atheism has completely pushed out morality, God, and everything else. Now kids are being taught to have freedom and do what they want, even accept homosexuality. I knew this was a bad thing. So it was my idea to do a 180 and tell other parents to get their kids in church. If nothing else, the Sunday classes were teaching morals.
So I continued to take up for God, even though I didn't necessarily believe in Him. This was about doing good for the children's sake. I have kids. And their future is important. I cannot sit by and watch their world be destroyed later on. In the process, I became more open to God. I inadvertently became "prey" to His knowledge. And a huge awareness went all through me. This caused me to focus more directly on God and what He was all about. I never understood His Word when I was a kid. But now, it was all clear. I could actually understand what it all means and how it pertains to the real world. The more brainwashed in God I became, the more my perception of the world changed. Truth became something other than what the world taught me. It was time to make some drastic changes. I surrendered to Him completely and made a vow to make Him the most important part of my life from now on. Understanding all the things that Jesus did sent a serious message to me. I thought to myself "My God, people aren't living and behaving properly."
Satan is ruling this world. The empire it has become is deceiving many people. I was one of them. It has become my duty to understand God more every day and allowing Him to work through me. To gain a clear conscience, I have sacrificed many worldly things. The TV got tossed. All music, video games, and anything that serves no acceptable purpose has been trashed. This alone has created an improvement in my daughter. It's amazing how much "junk" gets into our conscience. And I can see how Satan plays into this. The "fun" world we live in is designed to lavish our desires, makes us selfish, and destroy our salvation. Children are being targeting most of all. Everywhere you look, its there. Even our mailboxes bring the garbage into the home.
I have even been led to understand that my schooling has all been for little to nothing. I went for computer science and luckily it all ends around the time I gave in to God. Else the distraction of school work would have made it impossible. The Bible reminds us many times that we cannot serve two masters or cannot allow ourselves to become distracted from God. You cannot look towards the world and God at the same time. To serve him, you must drop everything necessary to do so. Our conscience is an important factor, and it can easily become crowded by things of the world. A technical job would easily destroy our place with God. If you do not believe so, than maybe you are fooling yourself.
At this point, I am still struggling with my daughter's career in public school. With all the corruption and worldly knowledge that contradicts God, I am still hoping for God to reveal the answer. My wife works at a job that overburdens her mind every day. It is difficult for her to find time for God. I care full time for our two little ones. And it is difficult to live this way. I feel compelled to be the sole provider and allow her to stay home and educate the children. This is contrary to the way things have been for years. I have literally been the Mr Mom. But I have to be careful that I don't pick a career that will jeopardize my place with God. This I will not allow. This has become a day to day experience with a lot of prayer and hope. And the very least that has happened is that we are acting and behaving more like a family. I am thankful that God has gotten my attention and that He cares. Presently, my wife and I are still having some struggles with the new way. She got her hopes up that I would use my degree to land a big career job. God has changed this of course. Is it still possible I could end up working in this field? Anything is possible. But I know my limitations and restrictions from day to day. My wife is struggling hard with all this. Her crowded conscience isn't allowing her to see with me. She has become so caught up in her job that she cannot have the faith. But I cannot allow her frustrations break my relationship with God. I just pray that she will eventually arrive where she needs to be.