Testimony: A God Who Hears
(Des Moines ,Iowa)
I was 35 when I really reached out to God.
I went to church when I was a kid. I lived across the street,so it was handy. But, I only went to meet other kids and go to their activities. But,I think God got a bigger hold on my life than I realized.
No one in my life was a Christian and I would have been made fun of if I took it seriously.
I spent my life trying to run away from the painful things that had happened to me in my childhood: divorce, abuse, alcohol, drugs, and a warped view of life in general.
My parents divorced when I was in 1st grade. I was the oldest of 5. The state took us from my mother and placed the 3 oldest in a children's home, and the 2 youngest in a foster family, because they were only babies. After about a year,the other two were sent to one foster family and me to another. After another year or two my father got custody of the 3 oldest and put the two younger ones up for adoption.
My new family life was one of pain and rejection. I was told how worthless I was, and how I couldn't do anything right daily. And usually got a beating for something. The rest of my years at home would be this way.
So this is what life is, huh?
I would spend every day trying to find some kind of happiness,no matter how I had to do it. I moved around and traveled when I got old enough, and found that a new location was fresh and exciting. That would last for awhile, but
when ever something happened that would open old wounds or expose one of my insecurities, I would move again.
I spent years running from my life.
I drank to forget, and that became a habit.
I don't remember what started it but I started reading the Bible at home. I wouldn't go to church because I wasn't one of those "weirdos"!
I was just sitting home alone one night. I had watched a movie that started me thinking about God and angels and how He made some people's lives better.
I went to bed and when I laid there in the dark, my life started to run through my mind. All of my secret fears, weaknesses, loneliness, ugly thoughts and habits.
I broke down and sobbed on my bed and I spoke out loud, "God my life is going down the toilet and no matter what I do,nothing works. If I died tomorrow no one would ever know I was here! I am afraid of everything going wrong, and can't stay anywhere without my issues popping up and having to move on. I know you are doing things in other people's lives. Why won't you do something in mine?"
As I laid there sobbing uncontrollably, I suddenly felt something at the top of my head. I can't explain it, but this feeling, like a tingling, started to move slowly down towards my feet. I didn't move! It's like it was washing through my whole body!
All I can say is that when it was done, I rolled off the bed onto my knees. A place I hadn't been in many years.
Now what do I do? He is real!
That moment changed my life forever!