Testimony: Fighting for my life

by Micheal Rose
(Barrie ON Canada)

Im not sure if this is the way to tell this or not , but here I go.

My fight started a while ago and still continues today, I met my wife 23 years ago in a group called Katimavik(Inuit word for meeting place)I saw her in the back yard of the house we were staying in, and said to myself "yes she is the one".

Anyways we went through this program together and never really knew that we were meant for each other untill about a year or so after we had left the program.I called her up out of the blue one day and we started to talk and one thing lead to another and we eventually got together and then married.

We both played with drugs and alcohol me more then my wife, and never had a thought for GOD. except for when people would try and talk to us about it.
We were married for about 2 years then the bad part happened seperated and then divorced for about 2 and half years.

I guess maybe I should tell you about my personal life a little before I go to far, have done alot of drugs, alcohol, grand theft, dealing drugs, even planned a bank heist and went as far as stealing the guns for the job(from a friend).
Everyone was caught before anything happened, which was now I think was a blessing for GOD.

Even tho I did not know the Lord he was with me, I was swimming with my friends one day and decided to dive, well i hit the bottom of the lake and was paralized from the neck down, and imediately thought "I going to die" but I broke the top of the water and the feeling to my body came back. Went home and walked around with my neck bent over for about 3 weeks.

Shortly after I was joying riding in a stolen truck with some friends, I was driving, we then hit a tree head on at 60 miles an hour. I took the steering wheel in the chest ,one friend though the windshield,another got the side window, WE ALL WALKED AWAY.
I have had guns pulled on me and no shots to be fired,thank the Lord.
Had some physical abuse in my my life as well as verbal, had many friends killed horribly some from suicide.Folks I have had a messed up life!

Anyhow to speed it up a little, I was having dinner with my girl friend and all of a sudden I said, Im going to Toronto to see my kids, 2 sons at the time.
My ex wife had met to nice people in T.O. that invited her to church and she aceppeted the Lords grace.
They then started a prayer chain prior to me coming up , my wife and I talked about reconciliation, we were then married again by Gods good grace.(LET MAN NOT BRAKE WHAT THE LORD HAS MADE), GOD has blessed us with 3 sons now, and you think that would be the end of my story, but sorry brothers and sisters its not.

Things went well for awhile something happened again that almost completely destroyed us, sorry but will not go into details about that. But again the Lord saved our marriage.
I used to think how could anyone get so depresed that they would try to take their life especially a christian, well I got hit with depression and have been a christian for 22 years now and it got to the point where i tried this year to take my own life, and again the Lord was there. I took enough of my medication to drop a team of horses after I had a fight with my youngest son and thern went for my last coffee at Tim hortons, as i sat there waiting for the moment to happen, i believe the Lorde spoke to me and I knew then I had to get help so I mad my way home and then spent the next 3 days with my family wondering if I was gonna live.God showed me that it wasnt going to hurt me but eveyone else
But GODS good grace again saved me.

I love the Lord very much but unfortunately I am again struggleing with thses horrid thoughts of unworthyness for my family and God and wonder If it might be better just to leave, but the Lord keeps sending my a life raft.

Anyways thats a big part of my story and I know we will prevail againest the Evil ones constant berage of problems he heaps on me and my family.

As a crhistain I will always fight for my life but with the Lord on my side "I WILL NOT LOSE"

I am sorry this was so long but I hope someone will find some help in it some where, be it if you hooked on drugs theft ,going through divorce or dealing with depression.

God bless and thank you for letting me ramble on.

Comments for Testimony: Fighting for my life

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No Condemnation For Sin To Those Who Love Christ.
by: Anonymous

Hi there...I have just read your story and was really touched by your honesty. There are so many of us who experience the pain of sin and the trauma of life that will unfold in the form of depression and suicidal thoughts. As a person dealing with depression on a regular basis, one of the verses in the bible I tend to draw upon for strength is Romans 8:1, Life Through the Spirit

1Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,a 2because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. 3For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature,b God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering.c ...12Therefore, brothers, we have an obligation?but it is not to the sinful nature, to live according to it. 13For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live, 14because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. 15For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship.g And by him we cry, ?Abba,h Father.? 16The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God?s children. 17Now if we are children, then we are heirs?heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

Future Glory

18I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. 19The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. 20For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope 21thati the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.

One more thought....the enemy the devil goes around like a roaring lion - seeking whom he may devour. He will do whatever he can to steal your soul from Christ, but we do NOT belong to the enemy - we BELONG to CHRIST, and those who endure to the end will be saved. Remember this, and you will get through the difficult days. Keep Christ close to your heart, and He will reward you. God Bless You.

we are all unworthy but God loves us perfectly in Christ
by: Anonymous

Brother, please do not be discouraged about your past. God knew all about your past before he saved you. The Bible says in the book of Ephesians that he knew you before the foundation of the world and decided to save you. He loves you and in Christ, you are cleansed by his blood and Christ's righteousness is credited to you. Let God keep working on you. He promises to keep growing you. Keep repenting when you see sin and doubt in your heart and believe that Jesus came here for you! He will take you to be with him when it is time....don't give up. Live your life for him. Keep praying to him and sing songs of thanks to him. He loves humble people who know they have failed. He is your salvation!

Keep Moving Forward
by: Marilyn

I, too, suffer from depression from past abuse, especially. The number of times I've been sexually asaulted is beyond counting, as my husband did that perversely over a three year period. There were other assaults, but who's counting, right?
The thing that helps me?
Well, like you, knowing how much it would hurt everyone else. They fight God in my life and act so hateful, my kids do. But they don't want me to die, either! So, that is good.
Second, this sounds crazy, but having to do colon cleansing because of cancer in 2007, lifted my spirits to the skies! You can't believe how good it makes you feel. The stuff we've got in our colon depresses us terribly. So, when things happen, the depression from that junk inside kicks in, and there we go, downhill.
So, please get a colon cleanser, a good one is Dr. Natura, or you can get one at a health store.
Probably about $30, unless you use a home remedy for it.
Also, in the meantime, I used 5HTP, a natural anti-depressant. They even have it in the vitamin aisle in the grocery stores and at Wal Mart..about $8-9 for a month's supply.
I now drink Essiac tea, to keep cancer away, and it also keeps depression away. Praise the Lord!
Exercise, just walking an hour a day makes a huge difference in my happiness. When I don't, I'm much sadder, and gain weight, pound by pound.
One more thing - go to pgm.org, and you will find many testimonies that will encourage you, on their Unshackled radio programs...you can listen online. Also, some of the testimonies on this site will help.
You can also call PGM, Pacific Garden Mission in Chicago, for fellowship with men who've been where you have...great stuff, right? 312-942-9410 is their number...ask for Pastor Kermit Hagerman, Pastor McNeill, or Pastor Green...they've all been thru a lot, and came out to serve the Lord.
Okay, bro., and sis. (your wife), love you guys, and hang in there.
Write me anytime.
My healing site for cancer is: http://healingplan.synthasite.com
(God still uses us "rough customers" smile)
By His Grace,
Marilyn

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