I remember....and I choose to forgive you anyway c2-head***

I remember....and I choose to forgive you anyway

by Kris
(Pearl Ms)

I heard something on the radio that stuck with me. The DJs were talking about things people had posted to their FB page. One lady asked how she was supposed to forgive and forget. Said she had the forgive part, but could not understand how she was supposed to forget.

One of the DJs gave the following analogy....

"I have a large scar on my arm. It was a terrible cut. I remember the cut. I remember how I got it and I remember how much it hurt at the time. BUT (you could hear her slap her arm) even though I can SEE the scar and it reminds me of the cut, the SCAR does not hurt. When you forgive someone, it no longer causes you pain."


I can totally see that! There have been times when I have WANTED to forgive someone for something, knew i SHOULD forgive them, but every time something reminded me of the person or situation...it just hurt (anger hurts too). At that point I knew I had not forgiven, but was at a loss as to what to do to make myself "forgive and forget". The forget part seems to be the problem.

So, I did a little research.....

I can find lots of scripture that tells me to FORGIVE....

"Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven."
Matthew 18:21-22 ESV

"“Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven;"
Luke 6:37 ESV

"For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you,"
Matthew 6:14 ESV

"Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive."
Colossians 3:13 ESV

"And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.”"
Mark 11:25 ESV

"Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”"
Luke 17:3-4 ESV

"Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."
Ephesians 4:32 ESV

And I found scripture about GOD not remembering my sins....

Their sins and lawless acts I will remember no more. Hebrews 10:17

I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more. Isaiah 43:25

For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more Hebrews 8:12

Well....I'm not God and I can't find scripture that tells me to forget that someone wronged me. God's word just tells me to forgive them...all of them...for everything that they have done.

I wonder if this whole "Forgive and Forget" thing is a tool of the Devil. Hear me out... If I believe that I have to FORGET something in order to forgive the person who did that something...well, that messes everything up because I cannot give myself amnesia. I cannot FORCE myself to forget. I don't have a delete button or backspace key. It is in the very nature of my brain to remember things.

The whole focus on forgetting also takes the focus off of the forgiving.

Would it not be SOOO much easier to "forgive" someone if you forgot what they did in the first place? Would it not be SOO much easier to just hit the delete button and REALLY not even know that someone had just ripped your heart to shreds?

IF we could forget, there would be no need for forgiveness.

So maybe then I MUST remember in order to truly forgive. Maybe the blessing of forgiveness is actually in the fact that I do remember. Go back to the story the DJ told that I mentioned in the beginning of this...

"The scar does not cause me any pain"

She did not forget how the scar got there, did not forget the pain of the injury, did not pretend like it wasn't there. It left a mark on her. Changed her. Hopefully taught her something. BUT THE SCAR DOESN'T HURT. The wound has healed.

Forgiveness is truly a gift. Totally in the control of the giver. I think that maybe there is greater power in forgiveness than there is in punishing someone by holding a grudge. Grudge holding is totally natural, expected, normal. Forgiveness is God-breathed, Biblical, and holy....

I found a quote that said "Forgiveness is giving up my right to hold a grudge".

I like that.

I also found something that said that forgiveness is treating the person as though they had done no wrong.

I like that too.....

Much better than "Forgive and forget".

Perhaps a better phrase would be "I remember and I choose to forgive you anyway"

Is there somone in your life that you need to forgive?

Are you holding on to a grudge that is causing you to be bitter and angry? (Bitter and angry people are not living the victorious life Jesus came to give.)

Are you willing to CHOOSE to forgive...to let that person off the hook...to treat them as if they have done you no wrong?

Father God, help me to forgive the ones who have hurt me, judeged me, and otherwise wronged me. Lord you know who they are. You know what they did. You know how I hurt and how angry it makes me. Help me to remember Lord that I too am a sinner and that I have hurt people. Help me Lord to extend the gift of forgiveness and remove the chains of bondage that are bitterness, anger, and hatred. Help me Lord to take this all important step toward living a victorious life.

Next month we will talk about a little more about forgiveness and why it is really okay to "let them off the hook".
Until then....

Comments for I remember....and I choose to forgive you anyway

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Forgiveness NEW
by: Nancy

I was told so many lies over the years by family members that really hurt me. I addressed them about these issues & they denied it which is a lie. Now they said they never want to see me or talk to me again. I am the one that got hurt over all these lies not them. I can forgive them but I will never forget.

Forgiving as a form of freedom
by: Al

This is a great topic. I, as all of us, struggle daily with this. Judgemental people who criticize us or disagree with our view of things often raise our stress level. How often are we simply talking about an event or subject when someone interjects something completely different than what we were trying to express. Trying to bring the discussion back to our original theme or idea is ususally pointless at this time. Our stress level has been raised, and our ability to express what we originally were trying to, is hampered by this interuption in our thoughts, as you will. Usually at this point, it becomes our view, followed by the others view, back and forth until someone finally gives up.
Often, these judgemental people are someone we must deal with frequently, ie, family, coworkers,etc. Each time we encounter them even prior to speaking we are "on guard", ready to defend ourselves or our position. Hence, even before we engage ourselves our stress level is raised.
As I said, I struggle with this as I think most of us do. What has helped me is to slow myself down, breath slowly, and think of God at these times. I think of Jesus and how he was persecuted and still forgave. I try to keep in mind always, that these types of people are always going to be with us. Its our own ability to think like Christ, and forgive them even before they speak which helps to bring us the peace of Christ. I believe this peace which we try to achieve then may become visible to others, hence spreading the peace which we all seek.

I welcome your thoughts.

Thank You!
by: Cherie

I found this study very healing. Thank you and God bless.

by: Kris

Often times we are our own worst critic and harshest judge. Please hear me out before you dismiss what I am about to tell you...who are you to not forgive yourself? Are you bigger, smarter, and more powerful than God?
I am only repeating the questions that a dear friend once asked me.
Now that you are reminded that you indeed are not God, I want you to consider 2 other very important things.
First, if you believe that Jesus died for sin once for all, that means He died for YOUR sin. Scripture says that when we are forgiven, our sin is seperates as far from us as the east is from the west....and that is a straight line. Through Christ Jesus, your sin is no lower attached to you.
Second, whatever it is that had a hold on you was bad enough when it happened, but, even if you only did it a moment ago, it is in the past, is done, and cannot be undone. So, you are punishing yourself for something you cannot make right. Satan uses our past sins to keep us in bondage. If he can make us believe that we are unworthy of God's forgiveness, then he can keep us in bondage to the point that we will not serve Christ.
Forgive yourself. Christ died for you and through Him your sins are forgiven. When you are reminded of your past sins, tell Satan to take a hike. He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.
Follow hard after Christ. Let Him use your brokenness to bring glory to Himself. Leave your past sin behind and move forward in faith to the victorious life Christ promises!

Forgiving Yourself
by: Battered

What if the person you most need to forgive is yourself? What if you're having such a hard time letting go of issues that happened in your past - things that seem so monumental that you lose sight of the plan God has for you in your life? That you've fallen so far off the horse you aren't even sure which end is up anymore?

Praying Scripture
by: Kris

Oh Tara!
Thank you so much for adding these scriptures and for giving such wonderful examples of how to PRAY scripture!
Reading God's word does amazing things in our lives, but His word comes alive to us when we personalize it and pray His word!!!!!
Thank you so much for this awesome contribution!

Thank you for your input!
by: Kris

Bitter and Broken,
I do TRULY understand how difficult it is to forgive someone who has wounded you deeply and does not seek forgiveness.
In situations like this, only CHRIST IN YOU can give you the strength you need to forgive this person.
Please do look over Tara's scriptures and prayers! They are wonderful and a perfect way to start on your way to forgiveness!
Remember this, God knows every detail of every day of your life. Nothing about you surprises Him.
If you are bitter and broken, talk to Him about it. He understands even better than you do the reasons you feel the way you do!
I have 2 little post-it notes on my computer screen at work. One says "The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still. Exodus 14:14" and the other says "Unforgiveness = drinking poison in hopes of it killing your enemy."
Both of these are little reminders that keep me focused. First of all, unforgiveness only hurts me. Secondly, GOD has got the situation totally under control. HE will take care of things in ways that I cannot imagine.
Praying for you!

prayers for forgivness
by: Tara

The following verses have helped me start to work through some a frustration and anger issues that I have been dealing with due some injustice that has happened to me. I try to place theese into prayer in my daily life. I can not say that I am in full forgivenes yet but I am getting there and it hurts a little less each day. I know I will get there with God here by my side. Thank you Jesus!
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret it leads only to evil. Psalm 37.8
(Lord help me refrain from anger and turn from wrath)

In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps. Proverbs 16:9
(Lord fill me with your spirit and plant my steps in righteousness)

Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way 2 thessalonian 3:16
(Lord give me Peace)
But "Let him who boast boast in the Lord" for it is not the one who commend himself who is approved, but the one whom the lord commends. 2 Corinthians 10:18-18
(Forgive me of my pride help me let it go and give YOU all the Glory LORD for all that is good in me is all because of YOU.)

easier said than done
by: Anonymous

I do agree that God says to forgive. There are things that are too hard to fogive though. If you have been hurt enough, and if that person does not care if yuo forgive them or not, then it is just too hard to forgive them. It is easier to hold on to the anger and bitterness so that they always remember what they did every time they see you. I want the person who hurt me to hurt as much as I did. I want them to know that I remember what they did and that I do NOT forgive them for it. That person does not care anyway. They do not think that they did anything wrong.
what about that?
Bitter and Broken

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